I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize