Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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