Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
