I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Congratulations! We have a period
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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