I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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