Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
