If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
