On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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