All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
