You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
