If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
