Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
