the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize