The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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