don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
