Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
