i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize