the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
