I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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