Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
