All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
