i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
