wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
