Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
