The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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