last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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