Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize