You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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