Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
