so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
