dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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