Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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