why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think people are normalizing furries
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
