are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
