You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
