Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
