One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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