I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
