I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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