It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
