found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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