He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
