is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
