if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
should my penis look like a turkey
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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