never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
