I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
