Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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