before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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