i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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