Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
