So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
