So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
