It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
