I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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