sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
