He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
