It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
