Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
there is glitter all over my balls
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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