That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
