I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
