I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
