I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
