I'm lost and stupid without you.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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