well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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