i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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