so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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