Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
