Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
