3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
