Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize