maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
